Saturday, May 16, 2009

TMI, But You Know You’re Going to Read It Anyway

News Flash!!  I'm fat and for the most part I'm fairly OK with it.  I'd love to weigh what I did in High School when being fat meant I was 20lbs overweight (oh, to have those days back!), but I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that those days are done and dusted.  I think I'd be a seriously happy camper if I could lose 40lbs and get to an even 200.

Anyway, this post actually isn't about me losing weight, but about my weight in general and how I see others and their weight. 

When I was a teenager I loved to go to the mall.  No big surprise there, but while I was walking around I'd people watch.  For the most part I was watching how people interacted with each other; friends with friends, parents with children, husbands and wives, etc.

Where this goes downhill fast is when I would see fat people.  Now remember, at the time I was 20lbs overweight and sadly I thought I was HUGE!!  I would see these fat people and I would say to myself, hey, they've got someone who loves them so there's hope for me to find love.

In the years since it's morphed into something a bit different.  Maybe something a bit less destructive to my self image??  I see people who are considerably larger than me and I wonder if they wish they were my "fat."  Does that make sense?  I've (almost) moved away from the "no one loves me cuz I'm fat" mind set and replaced it with being grateful I'm not as fat as the lady across from me at Curves.  It's a weird kind of "things can always be worse, so stop complaining" way of thinking.

And just so you don't think I'm completely crazy, I have better body self image now at 36 than I ever did at 18 and I've added 60lbs to that original 20 (see body language pics below).  It's amazing what Faith, friends and a little therapy can do for a girl! :)





Jeanette said...


Kathie said...

I feel that same way so many times - a recent trip to the doctor got me a "you need to go on a diet and exercise" - of course he had never asked how much I exercise or what my diet was so I was pissed off to say the least! I know that I am happy in my skin per say but 20 less pounds would make me happy too!

Heather said...

Ditto that girl! I'm just going to eat but not overeat, stay active and to heck with the scale! I don't even own one.