Monday, April 28, 2008
My alarm is set for 5:45am and I usually roll out of bed a few minutes after 6. I'm not sure if I unconsciously kept hitting the snooze button until I finally woke up, or if I actually slept through almost an hours worth of incessant beeping. Both are quite possible. I've been seriously stressed lately and stress, as the name implies, stresses me out, body and soul. When under a lot of stress, my body gets to the point that all it wants is to rest and what my body wants, my body gets. I have no say in it whatsoever!
Work has been seriously stressful for the past two weeks and I believe this morning my body decided that it had had enough and went into shutdown and repair mode. After grabbing my blackberry and firing off a quick email to my boss and coworker, I rolled back over and slept undisturbed until 9:30. I think my three hours of bliss was due in large part to my cat. I laid my BB down on the bed beside me thinking I would answer any emails as they came in. Reilly, my cat, decided it was something she wanted to lay on; successfully muffling any beeping noises my BB makes! I did feel a little guilty, but I squelched it by getting a pedicure and having them paint cute little flowers on my big toes.
The rest of the day has been spent doing almost nothing! I did stop by a friend's home to drop something off and visit for a few minutes, but other than that - NOTHING! Zero, Zilch, Nada!!
Happy Mental Health Day, too me!!
Friday, April 25, 2008
If common sense is so common, why doesn't everyone have it?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I’ve been keeping mental and written notes since Bro. Harolds spoke Sunday on patience. I really only caught bits and pieces of it. I was busy making eyes at the cute boy in front of me (Stacey’s E), but what I did hear brought a lot of things to my mind. Most of the talk I kind of tuned out because it was a lot to do with having patience with your spouse and teenage kids. Not that that isn’t really good stuff, but in my world it’s a whole lot of BLAH…BLAH…BLAH! Yes, I can switch it around to fit my life and say that I need to have more patience with friends, co-workers, fellow drivers, etc., and believe me, I do need more patience. I can sometimes be the most impatient person; especially with myself.
But then he moved into different territory and spoke of different times in our lives when we need to cultivate patience. Times such as trials, adversity and plain old life in general. I’ve had my share of trials and adversity. Less than some people; more than others. God gives us what we can handle.
It’s life in general that I need the most patience for. As with probably everyone on this planet, life has not played out the way I thought it would. Not that my life isn’t great, it’s just not what I thought would happen. I read my Patriarchal Blessing and it’s sometimes hard to reconcile the words I’m reading to my life as it is now.
Want to know something funny? I always knew, from the time I was a little girl, that I was going to be in the military and that I was going to serve a mission. Read my blessing and see if you can find anything that says I will do either. You can find things that allude to a mission, sort of. Basically it says I’m “to help teach the children of our Father.” But danged if it don’t say I’ll get married and have kids!!! Go figure!
I got my PB a couple of days before my 17th birthday. I was so excited. I was a year away from graduating and wanted to know what my future life could be. Truthfully??? I couldn’t wait to read the “marriage” paragraph. Give me a break, I was 17!! After about two weeks I finally got my copy in the mail. I read the front; ok, all is good here. Flipped it over and almost immediately saw “IT!” I was so excited! What did it say??? I slowed my reading so as to savor each word, but immediately my heart sank a little.
“As you go on in life…”
“…you will meet many wonderful and great people, children of our Heavenly Father, and there will be one who will be reserved out, a chosen young man, who will be honorable and will be just and true and faithful, and will desire to take you into the temple of the Lord to be sealed for time and all eternity.”
That’s not the entire paragraph. There’s one more sentence, that’s just about as long, telling me to keep the commandments and if I do, I “may” get married and have kids. For years I couldn’t get past the “As you go on in life…” part. Deep down I always knew it meant that I would be old before I got married, but I’ve lived in denial of that for the past 18 years! LOL
I know this post is wandering a bit. I’m not sure it has a set course. I’m just purging the thoughts that plague my mind on occasion by typing them out for you to read (lucky you). You’ll think I’m funny, but I’ve been typing for about a week now! Yes, I type faster than one paragraph a day, but if you could see all the stuff that’s been added or deleted, you’d surely know how crazy I am.
I’m not bitter about my life, but to be completely honest, I do sometimes get a little envious of some of my friends. Not because I think they have better lives than me; by no means am I naïve enough to believe that marriage and kids is blissful 24/7, but there are things I miss out on by being single. Two things in particular come to mind:
1) A built in best friend. One that you can reach over and wake up when you’ve had a nightmare or just be comforted by the fact that he’s there close by. Someone to talk to. Someone you trust. Someone to read scriptures and pray with. Someone to sit next to in the Celestial Room. Someone to have babies with. Someone to cleave unto.
2) A mother’s love. I’m not sure I know or understand how to explain this one. Every Sunday I sit behind this family and I watch their interactions; sibling to sibling, parent to child, child to parent, spouse to spouse and I am in awe of the love that I am witness to. The mother is so loving with her touch and her words. You can tell that she has a profoundly deep understanding of what her role is as a mother and wife. She has gentle hands and loving eyes. The way her children respond to it makes my heart ache with wishes and longings to have the same thing. I hope for the day that I can, like this mother, begin to understand the love that Heavenly Father has for us.
I’m not sure I was able to explain my two things sufficiently, but words are hard to come by when feelings are what you are trying to convey.
I am blessed in my life. I’m blessed with good friends and in case it didn’t come across, I really enjoy my life.
Okay, I think that’s it for now. Purge complete. :-)
I've had a couple of friends say something along the lines of, men in the church have fallen down on the job. I appreciate what they are saying, but I would like you to know that I don't blame the men. I truly believe that if I were suppose to be married, I would be. As my Christian friend at work would say, "It's a God thing." I really believe it is. I believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was. All I know is that for most of my adult life the callings I've held the most have been in Primary and now Nursery. Maybe His "plan" is to laugh at me!! LOL Most days I laugh with Him!
Happy days will come to you all year.
If I had one wish, then it would be,
a happy, happy birthday to you from me!!
Stacey and I took Naomi to Johnny Carino's for her birthday. We had a blast!!
Naomi, you are awesome!! I love you and hope we are friends for a really long time!! One day I hope to be able to apply some of the Mom Skillz I've learned from you. Oh yes, I've been watching and learning. Don't get freaked out, I wasn't lurking outside your windows or anything (Stacey would call it being "stalker-ish" hehehe).
There's lots of other things I'm feeling right now, but words aren't adequate. I hope our mansions in heaven are close by so we can visit often. Granted, you and Stacey's will be up in the northwest and I'll be down here, but heavenly travel will be quick and easy. I'll just close my eyes, think of you and *POOF*, there I am on your doorstep with a lemon cake!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
My friend Gwen took me to dinner and a movie. We went to see Under The Same Moon (La Misma Luna) and I loved it. I totally recommend it, but beware it's in Spanish with English subtitles. I would love to tell you about it, but I really suck at trying to explain stories from movies or books. That's why I linked to it so can go check it out for yourself. Gwen is the best!!
During the movie, Stacey dropped off a cute little bag with the most perfect goodies in it. Several vanilla scented items. I LOVE VANILLA! It is my absolute favorite scent!! I can't decide if I somehow inadvertently mentioned that I love vanilla or that she's just seriously psychic. I'm leaning towards psychic since I can't recall ever having a "what's your favorite scent" conversation with her.
Also while I was in the movie, my brother Houston called to wish me happy birthday. I have to tell you that had I been the one driving, I probably would have driven off the road when I heard the message. It's been around two years since I've seen or spoken to him. Not because of anything bad that happened between us, just that we live such different lives. He has a lot of self inflicted problems that have estranged him from the family. He and my brother Beaumont don't get along at all! Anyway, he called to ask if I would like to go to dinner with him. Honestly? I didn't want to. These self inflicted problems have shaped him into a person that I don't like to be around and the thought of having to interact with him for an extended period of time was making me feel sick to my stomach. I said yes because even though I don't like him, he's my brother and I love him very much. I'm glad I did. We had an enjoyable dinner. He even had a present for me!! (I'm not convinced I wasn't in some sort of Twilight Zone episode)
It was a truly wonderful birthday!!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR, MEEEEEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
I'll be honest. I really want to have a good day today and getting my friends to say nice things about me will sure go a long way to making that happen. Lie if you have to, it's my birthday!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
I am not a vain person. I know that to my mother, I am beautiful, but to the rest of the world, ...? Jane Austen would use the term, undistinguished features! :-) But, I have one vanity. I love to grow my nails long and keep them shaped. I broke two of them while moving that blasted computer!!! LOL Earlier in the morning I was thinking just how nice they looked!! POOF! Back to having stubby little fingernails! ROFL Guess I gotta stay (h)umble somehow! HEHEHE
Most days my mom is in a great deal of pain. She’s recovering from her 4th back surgery (that didn’t really do much) and contending with arthritis in what seems to be every joint in her back and hips. I watched her limp along, barely able to lift her legs high enough to step up on curbs; unable to bend over to look at books on lower shelves; giving me the list of ones she really wants so that I could do the bending and searching.
Her Dr. has her on a potent pain med that’s suppose to last 12 hours; five hours later she’s needing more but unwilling to take it for fear that she will become addicted. Even when she’s not doubled over in pain, I can see it etched on her face. She looks like pain. I want to force her to take another pill and say the hell with addiction.
She’ll be 59 next month and has spent the past 28 working for the Post Office as a Rural Letter Carrier. This job that she has loved all these years is the reason for her pain; is the reason she can no longer work and has been forced to medically retire. I wish I could reassure her that there is a difference between taking meds consistently as pain management and outright addiction.
I don’t know why it hit me so hard after seeing her this past weekend. I’m sitting here crying as I type this. It’s hard to watch my mom descend into old age when she’s not really all that old; at least in my eyes.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
A thought just came to me that a lot of you are probably thinking in your heads, "Normal week for me, try doing it with kids!!" To each of you with kids, I bow in humble reverence. I'm exhausted and each of you are Super Woman!! It's a good thing we, each of us, have been given the life that Heavenly Father knows we can handle.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Each time a speaker would talk about President Monson and relate stories of his service, I would again and again feel a wonderful spirit come over me. President Monson is the prophet for this time and I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for this knowledge and for the increase in my testimony. I am so thankful to be a member of God's kingdom on this earth and to be led by Prophets and Apostles who hold the keys of the Priesthood (Amos 3:7).
We had the Adame and Nerdin family over to watch with us. I really enjoy having friends and loved ones around for conference. Arlene, Amber and myself put together what I think was a wonderful lunch last night. Amber made her famous cookies, Arlene put together a huge lasagna and I prepped the garlic bread. All we had to do was pop the lasagna into the oven at the halfway point, the bread just after the end of the morning session and voila, lunch was served. Thank you to the Adame's and Nerdin's for making it a wonderful Sabbath.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
It was especially thrilling to be part, even at home, of the Solemn Assembly and to stand, raise my arm to the square and sustain President Thomas S. Monson as President of the Church, President Henry B. Eyring as First Counselor and Dieter F. Uchtdorf as Second Counselor. I always feel the spirit when I get to do this, but this morning it was very powerful for me.
The gospel is true!!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I put my garment bottoms on wrong side out this morning. I didn't realize it until around 10 this morning! LOL Guess that's what I get for getting dressed in the dark while half asleep!!
Robb and Stacey lent me the use of their Suburban and Robb helped me fill it up to make the first run out to my mom's. As we began packing the truck, I was making a mental note of all the boxes I knew had stuff in them that I absolutely had to keep. One of those boxes was of pictures; pictures that I’ve been wanting to use in a blog about my being in the Navy. Most people, when I tell them I was in the Navy for 5 years, get this rather funny look on their face as if their thinking, “NO WAY!!” Yes, way and I have the pictures to prove it.
I'm in the middle. I only remember the name of the girl on the right - Baumgartner. Don't you love my glasses? We called them BCG's - Birth Control Glasses!
President Bradshaw spoke mostly of Elijah and how his appearing was fulfillment of Malachi's prophecy (Mal 4:5-6) and that the sealing power was returned to the earth.
5 Behold, I will asend you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord:
6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.
President Bradshaw spoke of how this event ranks as one of the most important events to happen for mankind. How the sealing power and the work that goes on in the temple is what makes this earthly existance worthwhile.
I wish I could explain it as well as he did. Most of you who read my blog have been sealed and know better than I the importance of it. I understand the importance of it, I just don't have a personal testimony of it yet. :-)
I was excited to see our youth at the temple last night. I had a few minutes in between shifts to go down and peek in. Our youth were helping many who have passed on make convenants with Heavenly Father. Covenants that we ourselves made many years ago, but that these people hadn't the chance to make while alive. My testimony grows each time I see or participate in baptisms for the dead and know that God has provided a wonderful way for ALL his children to hear the Gospel and accept all it's blessings and ordinances. The work we do in temples is, in my opinion, the most sacred service we could render to our fellow beings.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Just a small insight into my sometimes weird taste in music. :-) As if you cared!! LOL
You'll need to press pause on the playlist to the right so they don't play over each other.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I want to amend my answer to #32 below to read, today. I'm so used to feeling like I'm invisible to most men in this world that when something like this happens, I get all choked up about it. It's nice to get a little ego boost now and again. Those men will never know how much their little acts of kindness made my day and helped me feel like I'm not completely invisible.
2.Who is your significant other? ???
3. Your hair? growing
4. Your mother? healing
5. Your father? unavailable
6.Your favorite thing? friends
7. Your dream last night? happy
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? wisdom
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your fear? needles
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? loved
13. Where were you last night? gym
14. What you’re not? zitless
15. Muffins? chocolate
16. One of your wish list items? marriage
17. Where you grew up? Bellville
18. The last thing you did? conversation
19. What are you wearing? casual
20. Your TV? HD
21. Your Pets? cats
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your life? quick
24. Your mood? joyful
25. Missing someone? no
26. Your car? Passat
27. Something you’re not wearing? makeup
28. Favorite Store? Walmart
29. Your summer? working
30. Your favorite color? red
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. When is the last time you cried? Sunday
33. Where is the good life? obedience
Wow, this was hard for me. As many of you know, I'm not a one word person, but I found it quite interesting to rack my brain to find the word that would best summarize the sentence I was thinking.
Try it if you want to and let me know in my comments that you did and I'll come take a look!
One word to describe today? WONDERFUL