The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Friday's play was hilarious with a fair bit of it ad-libbed due to the three guest spellers. The guests were an 8 year old boy and two grown men, one being a local radio celebrity, Michael Berry. I wasn't sure how well a musical about a spelling bee would go over, but I think they did a great job of it not just being an hour and forty-five minutes of nothing but them spelling words for us. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of spelling and some of the words they were asked to spell were some of the funniest moments.

But as funny and touching as it was, there were a couple of moments when I cringed. The returning champion of last years spelling bee sees a girl in the audience that he thinks is cute, thinks a little too much about her cuteness and develops an...well, use your imagination. Because of this embarrassing situation, when it is his turn he flubs the word he is supposed to spell and gets disqualified. Cringing over, yes? Uh, no! The play is too short for an intermission, but they do have a break where everyone goes off stage. During this 3-5 minutes, the lately disqualified kid comes back and entertains us with a song about the circumstances of his disqualification. Yes, several minutes of him singing about his embarrassing situation - over and over and over again!

Sadly, I don't cringe at innuendo too easily. I should, but I am fairly desensitized to it what with it being so pervasive in TV and film. This was not innuendo. This was blatant, in your face singing about the male anatomy and the embarrassing situations it can get a young man into! A lot of younger kids attended and I can only imagine that on the way home there were a lot of questions as to why the boy had to put something in front of his pants before he came up to the front of the class and what the words in his song meant. Hopefully it did all just go over their heads. It didn't go over mine and I CRINGED!!

Why I Love to Blog

Have you ever felt like you have more to say than anyone in their right mind would ever want to listen to?

As a child and up until I was about 19, I was an introvert; I really didn’t talk a whole lot. I think some would call it shyness, but I’m not convinced. I don’t remember being afraid of talking to people, just that I didn’t feel the need to. Ask my mother and she will tell you stories of my saying only a few words to convey things to her and that was only after she could tell by my face that something was going on and would then get me to tell her.

As I became a teenager I think it did morph into out and out shyness. Oddly enough, I think I probably came across as being stuck up more than just shy, but either way, I was not about to stick myself out there and start a conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I had my friends and I did talk to them, but it wasn’t very many.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit to you that there were little glimpses of the person I was to become. In 9th grade my best friend and I had English together. The teacher who taught it was also the Home Economics teacher so instead of there being desks to sit in, two people would sit at a table. Darn right we sat together…for a while! Until the teacher got tired of asking us to stop talking! Poor woman didn’t have a fighting chance with the two of us in there. My friend got moved all the way to the front of the class, but did that stop us from talking??? Yeah, right!

On June 23, 1992 I signed a few papers, put my hand over my heart and said “I DO” to Uncle Sam. By late that afternoon I was on an airplane bound for Recruit Training Command, Orlando, Florida. Somewhere in those 8 weeks I unconsciously decided that I was no longer going to be that shy person anymore. Boot camp was very liberating for me. I found this very strong and opinionated person inside waiting to come out.

It’s almost as if I had a Talking Switch that was in the Off position for the first 19 years of my life and boot camp was the trigger that clicked it On. Almost overnight I became this person who wasn’t afraid to assert herself. I wanted to talk to people; I wanted to be in on conversations; I wanted to be included. I HAD TO TALK!

I still get nervous and sweaty palmed when I start conversations with people I don’t know (or don’t know well), but I do it anyway. I feel compelled to do it. I want to do it. Here’s a funny fact about me; I enjoy giving talks in Sacrament meeting. I’m nervous just like everyone else, but I get the biggest thrill from being up there, which is probably why I don’t get asked to speak very often!! “You’re enjoying this way too much, Mathews!!”

Now, back to my original question: Have you ever felt like you have more to say than anyone in their right mind would ever want to listen to?

Me? Yes!!

With my newfound need to talk, it’s as if a floodgate has opened inside me; I have 19 years of not talking to make up for. Anyone who has stood outside a front door with me knows that I can talk for as long as you’ll let me! Yes, I am long winded!!

Enter Blogging. I’m relatively new to the whole blogging scene having only started about 5 months ago. At first I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to write about. Was it some sort of online journal? I soon figured out that I could write about anything and everything I ever wanted to. Holy cow! I finally had an outlet for all the random things I wanted to say; all the stories I wanted to tell.

I wish I could tell you that this has cured me of keeping you standing outside your front door. I don’t think that will ever be cured, but maybe it will cut down on the number of really random things I say while we’re standing there.

Blogging: It’s a good thing!!

Weight loss update - ConocoPhillips Fun Run

In the 4 months I've been working out at the gym, I have lost a sum total of 10lbs. I'm not at all satisfied with that seeing as I have another 100 to go, but at least it's -10 instead of +10.

To further complicate matters, I have made a commitment that I can't back out of even though a big part of me wants to. It's a good thing that an even bigger part of me wants to do it. The other day over lunch with two of my co-workers, we decided that the 3 of us were going to run the ConocoPhillips Fun Run (5k). I'm the one that's going to struggle the most with this, but will, I think, get the most from it. My co-workers are men, they're in fairly good physical condition and are used to running. Jonathan did a 5k a few months ago and Rene could be on the cover of Men's Fitness magazine showing off his chest and abs. That will be some nice eye candy to run behind!! That sight alone will keep me running for at least a mile! Doh, did I say that out loud???

Anyway, tonight I met Kim Martin at Fitness 19, where we both have memberships, and worked out for a little over an hour. I did about 20 minutes on the elliptical and then the rest of the time was spent working upper body; upper and lower chest and back. I am sooo going to feel that tomorrow. I already feel it tonight!

I'm excited that Kim agreed to train me. Can you believe she's run 6 marathons and 3 half marathons? Holy cow - that's over 200 miles of running!! I'm going to keep focused on my 3.2 miles! :-)

The Fun Run is held the weekend before the rodeo opens, so I have just under a year to get fit enough to at least finish. I have to say I'm pretty excited. Excited to accomplish something that has never been easy for me, even when I went through boot camp I just barely squeaked by so that I could graduate. That was 16 years and 75lbs ago! I will need all your prayers and encouragement.

I am so having a "I Finished The 5k Fun Run" party. Everyone is invited!! It may have to be a few days later after I've recovered somewhat and am able function again!

SEE YOU AT THE FINISH LINE!!!

Stuff That Makes Me Happy

It's an incomplete list of the stuff that makes me happy, but a pretty good start. It popped into my head that I needed to make this list as a counterbalance to my Party of One entry.

• Working in the temple
• Seeing friends while working in the temple. Suzanne Orton came in last night while I was working in Initiatory and did Initiatory work. AWESOME!
• Driving
• Reading
• Traveling
• Reading while traveling
• Traveling while reading
• Photography
• Finding beautiful landscapes to photograph
• Spending time with friends
• Being Nursery leader
• Watching really long A&E/BBC adaptations
• Owning said adaptations
• Blogging
• Helping my mom
• Playing with kids
• Being by myself
• Going to the movies
• Pedicures
• Finding cloths that actually fit right
• Storms with lightening and thunder
• Cloudy days
• Laughing
• Figuring out what's wrong with a computer and fixing it
• Cross stitch
• Helping a friend
• Hugs
• Saying thank you
• People laughing when I tell a joke
• General Conference
• Sleep
• Reilly and Smokes (my cats)
• Sleeping with the ceiling fan on high and snuggling under my warm blanket
• Listening to music
• The smell of vanilla
• Reading my name in a friends blog
• Fixing a friends computer
• Refinishing wood furniture
• Watching storms roll in outside my office window on the 11th floor
• Fast and testimony meeting
• Hearing people's conversion stories
• Being a missionary
• Playing softball
• Sending snail mail to a friend
• Getting snail/email from friends
• Finding the perfect gift for someone
• Being out on the ocean
• Starry nights away from the bright lights of the city
• Feeling the spirit

Good Friday was Great Friday

For two reasons -

1. Mindless Entertainment - It’s a term my family uses to describe sitting on the couch for hours on end watching stupid TV or movies because we’re too lazy to do anything else, but lately I’ve found a more positive use for the term.

I love the manual labor involved in refinishing a piece of furniture. It really is mindless entertainment for me. I strap on a sexy face mask and clip my hair back out of my face (should have taken a picture of that!!), attach the sandpaper to the power sander and off I go.

It took me about 4 hours to sand the two legs, the cross beam and the table top and the whole time I thought of nothing that had been troubling me for the past week. I don’t think I thought of anything except how nice the wood looked underneath the old varnish.

The table is Arlene Love’s dining room table.

2. Baby sitting – I use that term loosely since out of the 4 kids only one was a baby. I got to hang out with the Nerdin kids while their parents went and got us dinner – I mean, went on a date. Those are some awesome kids.

When I was a kid I used to look at families in the ward and say, “When I grow up I want my family to be like their’s.” As an adult I’ve looked at families and said, “If I ever grow up, I want my family to be like their’s.” The latest in the line of families I would love to emulate? Three guesses and the first two don’t count!

Mathews - Party of One

CAUTION: This blog entry starts off ok, but quickly plunges into somewhat personal territory. I posted it so obviously I don’t mind you reading it; I just wanted to make you aware that this week my emotions took a dip in the deep end of the pity pool. Please put your floaties on before jumping in.

She had been forced into prudence in her youth; she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequel of an unnatural beginning. Persuasion - Chapter 4

I finished reading Persuasion the other day. Have you ever read a book and at the end felt sad that it was over? That's how I feel about Persuasion; I never want it to end. It's one of the very few books that I can read over and over again. Come to think of it, Jane Austen's books are the only one's I've ever wanted to read multiple times. The story of Anne Elliot grabs me and won’t let go. Probably because I can identify with being an old maid; Anne was seven-and-twenty when Captain Wentworth finally came to his senses. And while I am not yet five-and-thirty I feel the weight of it. Much like Anne who lived in a society that pushed marriage as the means of a woman “making her way”, I live in a society (religious) where I exist in a state of limbo. Both of us looked at as having something wrong with us because of our age and marital status. Don’t get me wrong, both Anne and I are loved by our friends and family (both families being seriously dysfunctional), but our “societies” views are a lot less forgiving.

Unlike Anne though, I do not have a Captain Wentworth who’s living with his sister and brother-in-law in my old home just a few miles up the road.

Entering pity pool -
Here’s something to chew on and something that bothers me when I think about it: I have never loved before. I love my mother; I love my friends but I’ve never even had a serious crush that I thought was love. If you’ve read my blog in the past week or so, you’ll have read that I was engaged once. Now obviously you would think that being engaged would require some feelings that could be (mis)construed as love; love, lust, infatuation, etc. You would think so, but no. Why did I engage myself to him? Good question. No answer.

Sharp drop into deep end -
I think my mom thinks I’m gay. She actually came up and asked me one day! Maybe it’s a defense mechanism for her to try and figure out why her only daughter has never married and produced grand children for her. (The same question could be applied to my brothers who’ve never married and produced grand children, but then again, they tend to sleep around with all kinds of women, and so answers their sexual preference.) When telling her about my previous relationships and broken engagement, she asked me why they didn’t work. Part of my answer to her was that I didn’t like holding their hand. Sounds like a funny little answer but it was how I felt (I have physical contact issues). I wish I’d never told her. She’s never meant to be malicious, but there have been times that she’s said it back to me in a sarcastic manner and even once said it in mixed company. It was quite humiliating. She once made a comment that went something like this, “I’m never going to have grand children.” I screamed at her to shut up and leave me alone. That went over well! Since then we’ve been in what you would call a truce; we ignore and step around the issue. Very healthy!!

Climbing out and drying off -
That was over 12 years ago. Feels like a lifetime. I hope my post doesn’t sound angry. If anything its disappointment with a tinge of fear that I feel. Disappointment that no matter how “normal” my life sounds when read in my patriarchal blessing, it hasn’t played out that way. Fear that I’ve done something to rewrite my life and that my patriarchal blessing is null and void.

So there you go; what I’ve been thinking about for the past week. For anyone who noticed that I hadn’t posted since last Monday, here’s the reason.

Stacey – Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! - for inviting me over Sunday. I was in the deep end of the pool and your invitation was the hand that helped me out and handed me a towel.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

Cookies courtesy of Amber Love
She's a cookie genius