Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Uniformity

Why is it that not all toilets are the same height? Can't there be some sort of OSHA standard that states toilets must be such and such height so that unsuspecting users don't think their falling into the toilet abyss when they unsuspectingly come across a shorter than normal toilet?

Just today I was working on a different floor than where my normal toi-let is located and found that a quick pit stop was required. No problem! The bathrooms on each floor of my building are uniformly located just to the left of the elevators. In my brain I figured that since someone had the bright idea to put the bathrooms in the same spot on each floor, they must have had another bright idea and used the same model toilet in each one.

Right??

WRONG!!

The toilets on the 14th floor (where I was working) are shorter than the toilets on the 11th floor (where my home toilet is). It is not a good feeling when you're in mid-squat position with pants around your knees and the toilet isn't where it's suppose to be! Several muscles clinch and arms fling out for steadying support.

Yes, I did squeek out a muted but high pitched, HOLY CRAP!

Appropriate, don't you think?

Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened to me.

December 27, 2000 - Shannon Ireland Airport: Local time was 11am, but my bio clock was still on 4am Houston time. It was my very first trans-atlantic flight, the complete trip took around 16 hours and I was JET LAGGED!! I was so shaky and exhausted from the jet lag and then it took an hour to get through customs and baggage claim. And then mixed in with all this is an absolute adrenaline rush of getting to see my best friend again. ShakyJetLagExhaustion + Adrenaline = Body and Mind not in top form. And on top of all that, I had to pee like a bear in June!

At that moment I was an unsuspecting tourist. I had read my Fodor's Travel Guide, I knew pretty much what to expect in this country, but nothing prepared me for what happened next.

I niavely walked into that bathroom with nothing more on my mind than to empty my bladder as fast as I could. It was one of those situations where you gotta pee so bad you can't hardly get your pants down without having an accident. So here I am, lots of luggage, small stall, gotta pee really bad, trying to get pants down, start the squat and CONFOUND IT, the toilet has got to be a good 3 inches shorter than it's American counterpart!! Muscles clinch, arms flail! To this day, I'm not sure how I managed to walk out of that stall without having to change everything from the waist down.

1 comment:

The Livingston Place said...

I LOVE THIS ENTRY!!!! I was laughing to whole time!

And you're a delicious writer! You should go pro!