For the past several months I have been pondering my life and how I live it and a couple of things have come to mind that I want to work on. Since it is now the new year, I'll call them resolutions.
Be Kind - Be kind didn't make it on President Hinckley's "Be" list, but I think it would fit in nicely; especially in my life. I don't necessarily think I'm an unkind person in general, but I'm definitely not the nicest person sometimes.
- I think unkind thoughts of people who I feel don't drive as well as they should. I've glared at them as they drove by, thrown my arms in the air knowing they can see me in their rear view mirror, given the single finger salute on a couple of occasions, yelled out loud, cut folks off and purposefully kept someone from getting in front of me in my lane. I have become the driver I rail against while driving.
- I like rules and boundaries. They help me understand my role in whatever it is I'm doing. At work I know the rules (processes/procedures) but, when someone works outside of those rules I can get upset. I really need to lighten up and realize for every rule, there is sometimes a very good reason why someone is going around it and to work with them, not against. I have a horrible habit of ignoring phone calls from customers who I know are going out of process.
- I get too emotional about things. Not weepy emotional, but ticked off emotional, adrenaline emotional. I'm one of the easiest people to get riled up about something. Couple of examples: Religion - best way to get chucked off my Christmas card list is to tell me I'm going to hell because I'm a Mormon. Had this happen to me a couple of years ago at work and after a few minutes of her mouthing off to me, I told her I'd sick HR on her if she didn't shut her pie hole! That was very Christian of me! Don't patronize me - I know I'm too emotional and when I get that way, there's nothing worse than being laughed at about it and told to calm down. Telling me to calm down brings out my sharp stick tendencies. If I happen to get this way around you, just let me talk it out and know that I’m not mad at you. I’ve just allowed circumstances to work me up. This particular fault is the biggest reason I’m working on being kinder. Without working on this, the rest of what I want to do can’t be accomplished.
There are more items I could list under Be Kind that I should work on, but I don't want to overwhelm myself with too much change!
A desire to become a better person has been the driving force behind my musings. Several times a year I'll read an article in the Ensign about a sister who the whole ward loves. She's the aunt or the grandma of the ward. Well, since I'm not old enough to be the grandma, I think I'd like to be the aunt.
Let me explain. A large reason for pondering my life lately is that sometimes I'm not happy with how life has turned out for me. I know I should be grateful "for all my many blessings", but most of the time I'm not. I'm a paradox even to myself. I play an inner game of tug-of-war between the life that I have and the life that I want, but I'm a realist, I accept my world as it literally is and deal with it accordingly. Most of the time that works for me, but then my emotional monster rears it’s ugly head.
So this is how I want to deal with it. If I'm going to be The Westlake Ward Spinster (you can call me TWWS for short!!), I want to be the best one I can. I am poking fun at myself by saying this, but it's how I feel. Not just the spinster part, but my whole life in general. I want to be a better person. I want to be happy with who I am RIGHT NOW and not waste time on what I wish I had.
I want to let my light shine and in doing so, glorify my Heavenly Father. Guess it really boils down to my desire to be more like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I doubt I'll have fully achieved all this by the end of the year, but if I'm even a bit kinder today than I was yesterday, I will have achieved my goal and will be on my way to being a better person.
Ensign article that touched me deeply.
You Know Enough by Elder Neil L. Anderson (Oct ‘08 General Conference)